BUT THEN I KILL IT . . .
“The way I write, I have a novel in my head for a long time that I think about, and in those months it is so beautiful, so incredibly profound . . . The novel in my imagination travels with me like a small lavender moth making loopy circles around my head. . . . As soon as I start to put it on the page I kill it.” ~ Ann Patchett
A friend sent me this quote from Ann Patchett several weeks ago, and I have read it every day since. It perfectly describes the challenge, and possibly burden, I have been feeling lately when I sit down at my desk to work. Simply put, I have fallen in love with the characters walking through the pages of THE FUNERAL DRESS, and I desperately want to share their stories as honestly as I can. Anything less and I will feel as though I have failed them.
At times, I am bound by my words, so incapable of translating the images in my head onto paper. Then there are moments when it seems as though the words literally drip from my pencil onto the page. (Yes, I do use a pencil.)
Lorena Lane and Nolan King, among others in Cullen, Tennessee, have morphed from a figment of my imagination to nothing less than human – every day trusting me with a little more of their own stories. And every morning when I sit down at my desk to write, I wonder if I am up to the task, if I can take them where they need to go.
THE O.R. WAITING ROOM
For me, as I imagine it is for most writers, it is impossible to separate my own life experiences from the stories I write. That is not to sat that my novels are autobiographical as people often ask. They are not. But my stories do reflect what I’ve lived, how I think, how I see the world.
With that said, I must tell you that my 23-year-old daughter is in the operating room right now having a bilateral nipple-sparing prophylactic mastectomy with reconstruction. Two years she was determined to have a BRCA 1 mutation – in others words – her lifetime risk of developing breast cancer is somewhere between 85 and 90 percent. Well, until today. When I see her next, her lifetime risk will have been reduced to less than 5 percent.
So this really is a day of celebration.
Claudia asked me to update her friends on FB while she is the operating room. I thought I would be too nervous to do that, and yet I have found it oddly comforting to write emails and updates, send texts, and even write a blog post.
I doubt I will write specifically about this experience. Then again, never say never. But I do know that the feelings I have experienced today – pride, fear, anxiety, compassion, tenderness, gratitude, peace – all of these will, at the right time, surface in my work.
For now though, my thoughts are with my baby girl, Claudia, who has been such an advocate for young women who carry the BRCA 1 or 2 mutation. She was born at this Georgetown University hospital 23 years ago this March, and she will leave this hospital in a day or two even more empowered, even more beautiful than ever before.
Love to you sweetie,
Mama
WHAT’S THAT BOOK ABOUT?
All authors know that you need a two-minute elevator speech for the very frequently asked question, “What’s your book about?”
To tell the truth, I’m still working on the prefect answer for The Improper Life of Bezellia Grove. I’m not sure why it’s been so hard. Maybe I just feel that there’s more to talk about than will neatly fit into a two-minute reply. But every time I’m asked this question, I feel as though I’m back in my high school English class trying to quickly answer my teacher’s plot questions about Master Skylark or The Great Gatsby.
Anyway, I recently spent an evening with the fabulous book blogger, Kathy Roberts, in her South Carolina home. Kathy and I met with her fledgling book club. We sipped margaritas and talked books until well after ten o’clock (OK, that’s late for me!) And at the end of all, Kathy pulled out her Flip camera and made this little video of me talking about The Improper Life of Bezellia Grove. So in case you haven’t heard my two-minute elevator speech, here it is, at least one version of it. Enjoy!
A bedful of bloggers at the SIBA convention back in September in Daytona Beach. Rebecca Schinsky on the left, Heather Figearo in the middle and Kathy is the one on the right!
AN HONEST READER
There is a special bond between a writer and a reader. It’s a very intimate relationship bound by words and the power of human expression.
In any deeply personal relationship, people are, I would hope, going to feel safe voicing their opinions. But if I’m going to be completely honest, which is the point of this blog, after Dairy Queen was published, I was surprised when a reader would email to tell me there was a misspelled word on page 103 or a misplaced comma on page 96. I appreciated it, but I was surprised.
But I was sad when a reader misinterpreted a passage and thought that I was being racist. And I was startled when a reader sent a long email questioning the inherent value of my work. ”How did I ever get published in the first place?” she asked. ”Did an editor even read your book?” she wondered. I quickly realized that this was not coming from a terribly disappointed reader but a very frustrated writer. And after a bit of emailing, I had found another author in her genre who had agreed to help her with her manuscript.
OK that brings us to today. I received a comment from a reader who has decided to no longer subscribe to my blog, and she went on to tell me why. She felt this was important feedback that I needed to hear even if it was unsolicited and “might not be so comfortable.”
“It’s nothing about your blog writing,” she said, “it’s fine and interesting. It is fun to watch. But I cannot take daily doses . . just can’t keep up the pace,” she said.
She thinks I should post no more than 3 times a week.
I would be lying if I said that these kind of comments don’t smart. They do. But I always think there’s something to be learned from everything. So I decided to ask you, my readers, if you would prefer that I only write 3 x a week — if it feels burdensome and boring everyday.
But before you make your decision, let me explain why I think daily blogging is valuable. I do not expect that each and every entry is going to be profound nor do I expect you to read each and every entry — although that would be nice. But blogging everyday encourages me to write about subjects that I would otherwise ignore, for example, the video posted recently of author Lisa Patton talking about her new book, Whistlin’ Dixie in A Nor’easter. I got more comments from that one entry than I had in two or three days (not to mention some new readers for Lisa.) Had I been blogging only a few times a week, I’m not sure that post would have happened. The daily ritual of blogging does, I am convinced, lend itself to unexpected treasures.
My intent when I committed to blogging everyday this year was in part selfish, to develop more blogging discipline, and to share with those of you interested in the writing process a little bit of what the day is like. I try to keep all posts very short (except for this one) because I know everyone is busy with their own lives.
But let me know what you think — now is the time — yes or no — yay or nay!
DAY 17/PLOT POINT
Tomorrow is a big day for me. Actually it’s a big day for one of my characters. (Remember, this is the book that my agent and I keep exchanging. I think it’s done. She doesn’t. She’s probably right.)
Anyway, there’s this creepy jerk, and he may just have to die in the morning. I really don’t know for sure. You’d think I would. But no. I rarely do. A character always shows me the way, even to his own demise. Seriously, I cannot tell you the times I’ve sat down at my desk and found someone has to go — out of the blue — totally unexpected.
That’s not the case here. I know something is going down — just not sure what — yet.
So off to bed, maybe in my dreams this character will finally show me the way!
DAY 16/READERS READERS!
Just returned from an author signing event at the Coffee County Public Library in Manchester, Tennessee. There were more writers than readers. Sales were slow. That happens sometimes. Heck, I’ve traveled 300 miles to a bookstore to find myself reading to the staff — God love the bookstore staff — they really do know how to love on a lonely author.
But it’s always worth it. No kidding. That’s not a line. Take today. New Southern author, Lisa Patton, Whistlin’ Dixie in a Nor’easter, and I met for the first time. We live in the same town but had never met. I had seen her book. To tell the truth, I had drooled over her cover . Yes, cover envy. It’s a sickness. But despite that, I think the two of us may very well end up being great friends.
I’d like to introduce you to Lisa. I know you’re gonna love her too! (And I know her name is Lisa even though I call her Lee!)
A Chat with Author Lisa Patton from Susan Gregg Gilmore on Vimeo.
DAY 15/TGIF
I’m going to keep this one short and sweet because it’s Friday night and everybody needs a break! I meant you — not me.
Tomorrow I’m caravaning (not really a verb but you get the idea) with a bunch of other writers to Manchester, TN, (about an hour south of Nashville) to hawk my book at the 3rd annual Coffee County Library Author Signing.
I do this in part because it’s a fundraiser for the library and in part because I am a mid-list author hoping not to be forgotten before my second book comes out in August.
Have a great weekend and go spend some bucks at your favorite indie store!
DAY 14/GUILT-FREE WRITING
Blogging for me has been like journaling — at least that’s what I told you a couple of days ago. But here is the truth, I don’t journal. Never have. Oh, except for a couple of days when I was 13 and then two or three more when I was 17 — both incidents involved a boy — yes yes – dumping me.
And that’s the point of today’s journal . . . I mean blog! If you are a writer or someone who wants to write you must free yourself of all the expectations and stereotypes of what it means to be a writer. Take it from me. I don’t journal. I didn’t major in English. I have never attended a writing workshop. I don’t wear black turtlenecks and smoke cigarettes. And I have never written a short story. Ok, that I want to try.
This is not to say that I haven’t prepared myself for the life of a novelist though. I have worked for newspapers since my freshman year in college and have written professionally most of my adult life. And I have watched my world very, very carefully.
But the point is this — writing is about just that — writing — there is no one way to tell your story. You only need to find the way that works for you and then, as I’ve said before and will say again, put your butt in the chair!
DAY 13/REVISING THE MS
As you may already know, I have spent the last year and a half working on 100 pages to send my editor for her consideration. Remember, she said all that was necessary were 2 chapters and an outline, but I said, “Oh no, I don’t do outlines – I don’t know where the story is going yet.”
OK, true. But now I’m there. I have my 100 pages. And I finally know where this story is going — more or less. I FedEx’d those hundred pages to my agent for her review a couple of weeks ago. Some agents make editorial comments. do not. Mine does. She is a very sharp reader, born and bred in NYC, so she is not shy about saying what’s on her mind. Again, must have a thick skin.
She sends her comments back. I make changes. I send the manuscript back. She sends it back to me. Again, must have thick skin.
And that brings us to today. Got up at 5 a.m. and worked. Fixed daughter breakfast and raced her to school and worked. Went to meet reader and reviewed notes from agent, swam a mile at the Y, came home and worked. Read more and more reports about the horror and tragedy in Haiti. Continued to work.
Must get these pages right and back to my agent by Monday. Self-imposed deadline. More time in the chair – a recurring theme. So I have fallen into the deep, dark writing hole and you may not hear much — although you will hear something (as I refuse to break New Year’s resolution) from me until I get these pages polished and in the mail.
But I cannot sign off tonight without asking you to please consider a donation to Doctors without Borders! We are one family, after all. Good night!
DAY 12/YIKES
That’s right. Yikes. Day 12 and I almost went to bed without posting a blog. My new year’s resolution had nearly evaporated as quickly as I made it.
So what to write about?? I thought about just posting another cute pic (thanks little snowpeople) but decided that would be cheating.
Then I wondered if anybody would even notice if I skipped one day. Probably not.
But here I am writing. Why??
I think it has something to do with discipline. Nothing more.
Remember? I talked about this earlier in the week. And that is why it is almost nine o-clock, and I’m at my desk writing when I’d really rather be under the covers with a good book. I really do think there is something to writing this post everyday. I still haven’t figured out what it is, but hopefully at the end of the year, I’ll know it.
Goodnight all!
